Papa Paparazi

Taking the babies out in public is a bit like being Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. While it's true that at first it was like being a dirty, tired, haggard, overweight Angelina Jolie, with ill fitting clothes, accompanied by a weary, scraggly bearded, pack mule-type Brad Pitt, we have a bazillion kids and people pay a lot of attention to us when we take the twins out in public, and I consider these significant similarities.
The first time we took the babies out it was to Red Lobster (which, like the minivan, everyone pretends not to like, but secretly loves. Otherwise, why is there ALWAYS at least a 20 minute wait?). Anyway, it was for lunch, during the week, so we were swarmed by the well intentioned elderly. The first thing people always say is, "Twins?!" and then, when we confirm that they are twins, they say, "A boy and a girl?!" Charlie, at one point threatened to tell the next person that asked that they are not twins, "one of them is from a sister wife".
On this occasion (and several to follow), not only did we eat our meal in uncomfortable silence while the elderly couple next to us hovered and beamed at us, but the entire Red Lobster wait staff stopped by our table to say things like, "Oh! I heard there were twins over here! They're beautiful!" It's very nice that our babies bring joy to people..it's just that attention is the last thing you really want when you're tired, dirty, haggard, overweight, and you have a mouth full of cheddar bay biscuit. Also,(at the risk of sounding like a grumpy old lady myself) I don't want a bunch of dirty stranger hands on my kids. Go have your own kids to put your grubby hands on.
Another thing the elderly say a lot is how blessed we are. I get that a lot in the grocery store. Mostly from older men, strangely enough. I appreciate the sentiment, and I'm not sure what "blessed" looks like to most people, but to me, it doesn't look like staggering around the house at 3am changing diapers and crying.
To be fair, on some days, now that they're older it's nice to get the attention. I'm so proud of them and they are beautiful and really sweet. They smile and coo and my heart could just burst with joy. On other days, I just want to get groceries and have no desire to explain how I, "do it/manage/have my hands full". It's enough to make one sympathize with Brittany Spears during her bald-headed-umbrella-fit period.